Most of the time when I look back on my life, although I know the memories are my own, it feels like I am looking at a thousand different lives. I can feel almost exactly the same as I felt at any moment when I recall that particular moment; but in a bizarre way it almost feels more like a deep empathy... for someone else.
It's interesting to me how we become so caught up in our current lives, we start to feel like we are dreadfully mundane -- like there isn't anything special about us. When someone asks what's knew in your life, you do a quick scan of your recent events; and oftentimes nothing seems significant. And even if there is something significant to you, you feel as if it wouldn't be to the other person I know personally I think I'm dreadfully boring, I typically do the same things everyday: work, pay bills... (meh... boring). And I generally keep to myself, which I've truly always thought was due to my boring existence. Why would anyone care to know someone so undistinguished? But we always seem to forget that however mundane we may feel we are, we are constantly changing.
The funniest thing is although I feel boring today; I look at previous phases in my life, and I wonder how on earth anyone could have had any interest in befriending such a weirdo. Or I find myself worrying about the qualities I feel I've lost over time, such as the appreciation I felt for the smallest things. For example, when I didn't have a vehicle, I would get so excited about just getting a soda at a convenient store on the walk home from work. It was honestly the highlight of my day! haha Or the seemingly endless reservoir of passion I used to pour into the things I loved. I would stay up all night on a regular basis drawing, writing, or taking photos. I never got tired of it or ran out of ideas. Sometimes I rack my brain trying to figure out what happened to diminish those qualities... I guess "life" happened. I am sure in a few years I will look back on who I am today and wonder, once again, "what the heck happened?"
C.S. Lewis wrote, : "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." And I don't think he could have said it any better.
No comments:
Post a Comment