Just a Boring Ramble....

Most of the time when I look back on my life, although I know the memories are my own, it feels like I am looking at a thousand different lives. I can feel almost exactly the same as I felt at any moment when I recall that particular moment; but in a bizarre way it almost feels more like a deep empathy... for someone else.

It's interesting to me how we become so caught up in our current lives, we start to feel like we are dreadfully mundane -- like there isn't anything special about us. When someone asks what's knew in your life, you do a quick scan of your recent events; and oftentimes nothing seems significant. And even if there is something significant to you, you feel as if it wouldn't be to the other person I know personally I think I'm dreadfully boring, I typically do the same things everyday: work, pay bills... (meh... boring). And I generally keep to myself, which I've truly always thought was due to my boring existence. Why would anyone care to know someone so undistinguished? But we always seem to forget that however mundane we may feel we are, we are constantly changing.

The funniest thing is although I feel boring today; I look at previous phases in my life, and I wonder how on earth anyone could have had any interest in befriending such a weirdo. Or I find myself worrying about the qualities I feel I've lost over time, such as the appreciation I felt for the smallest things. For example, when I didn't have a vehicle, I would get so excited about just getting a soda at a convenient store on the walk home from work. It was honestly the highlight of my day! haha  Or the seemingly endless reservoir of passion I used to pour into the things I loved. I would stay up all night on a regular basis drawing, writing, or taking photos. I never got tired of it or ran out of ideas. Sometimes I rack my brain trying to figure out what happened to diminish those qualities... I guess "life" happened. I am sure in a few years I will look back on who I am today and wonder, once again, "what the heck happened?"

C.S. Lewis wrote, : "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." And I don't think he could have said it any better.

Life, Inexorably

I have noticed that most everyone I know feels that if they were given the opportunity to go back in their lives, there is at least one thing they would do differently. And they feel that alteration would improve their present state. When I think about my own past, there are several things I wish I could change or erase completely. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm not so sure it would alter my present reality so much. Being that even if you go back and make changes, you are still you. If you were to alter an event in your life, it would inevitably affect subsequent events. This would put you in situations you had not previously been in. And since this would be your first encounter with these events, you are likely to make decisions you will later be unsatisfied with. I think that you being who you are, would make similar decisions to the ones you have made before. And it is highly probable these new life events would lead you to the same or a very similar situation to the one you are already in.
I'm not entirely sure if I believe there is some sort of predetermined path for our lives. But I do believe our patterns of behavior are likely to bring us face to face with the same issues. In the same way we as a society believe events in history should have been handled differently, Yet repeatedly, we face the same issues we have faced throughout history. They may manifest in a different form, but they are essentially the same.

Potential

I don't think I'll ever understand why people feel the need to tear each other down. Maybe it stems from a time when we had to compete for survival. But that isn't the case today. There are enough resources for everyone. And when it comes to aspirations, most of us aren't competing or the exact same things anyway; so there exists no benefit in making someone feel as if they are of a lesser value. I truly feel that we all have great capabilities and potential. We all know how difficult it can be to maintain faith in ourselves. Most of us know what it is like to feel like no one believes in our capabilities, We also know how tremendously helpful it can be to have even just one person who believes in our potential.

Life is difficult enough already. When someone feels overwhelmed by adversity, it can feel like they're in the bottom of a well. And instead of helping, people look down and cast stones. That one person could serve as a rope. If a majority of us had faith in one another, it's likely nobody would end up in the well in the first place. Of course we can't force the majority to see what they do not wish to see. But as individuals, we can offer our faith and encouragement. Before you cast your stone, remember the times you were in the well; and throw in your rope.